Prisoners of our thoughts

*LE BIG SIGH*

I'm feeling things. I've been feeling confused since weeks ago, months ago. I AM confused more than ever. What if that happens? I'm not scared, I'm just wondering about what could happen when.. Actually, I don't care. I need that. I can't live without it, so everything that comes with that is going to be okay. Sometimes I think I would like it. I don't know how to name it, I don't know if this has a name. Ordinary people would call it as ordinary people always call it. Vulgar name. I don't like that. I don't even think is really THAT. Maybe the feeling is stronger now because of the things I've been "doing" lately. Maybe because I can't confirm it. I can't taste it. I don't know how it feels. I would like to know it, though. I'm literally dying to know how it would be. I need that right now, I can't wait anymore. Yet I don't have other option.

No other circumstance shows better the nature and length of their relationship that Alexander's overwhelming grief at Hephaestion's death. As Andrew Chugg says, "... it is surely incredible that Alexander's reaction to Hephaestion's death could indicate anything other than the closest relationship imaginable." The many and varied ways, both spontaneous and planned, by which Alexander poured out his grief are detailed below. In the context of the nature of their relationship however, one stands out as remarkable. Arrian says that Alexander "... flung himself on the body of his friend and lay there nearly all day long in tears, and refused to be parted from him until he was dragged away by force by his Companions."

What if..

If you're suffering because of that- good, now you know how I'm feeling.

Turn down the love songs that you hear 'cause you can't avoid the sentiment. That echoes in your ear
saying love will stop the pain, saying love will kill the fear. Do you believe? You must believe

IT'S KILLING ME.

“I am over it,” J assured him.

“Doesn't sound that way to me.”

“There's a difference between remembering the damage something did and not being over it,” J told him.

Well in case you never noticed, the path you never chose has chosen you.Don't be afraid to face and break it, your secrets, stay...

Safe: a stillness that comes to me when I'm close to you.
Safe, a feeling that runs so deep that it scares me too

N could see that S was walking a fine emotional tightrope, and he knew that one slip of the tongue, one wrong word would cut him to shreds. He had no desire to push him to that point, so he just kept his mouth closed and let S talk.
“You know, it sometimes feels like half of me, half of who I am, has gone missing. Just vanished. And sometimes I think I'll never be whole again. And I have no one to blame but myself. If I’d only had some warning he would go for good...”
“If we'd all had some warning, or paid attention to what was there in front of us, maybe it wouldn't have happened at all. But we didn't, it happened, and here we are, whether we like it or not.” N replied. S didn't seem to hear him as he stared into space.

J may have had his demons in the booze and drugs, he thought, but so did I. And at the end, he became my drug. He still is.