N could see that S was walking a fine emotional tightrope, and he knew that one slip of the tongue, one wrong word would cut him to shreds. He had no desire to push him to that point, so he just kept his mouth closed and let S talk.
“You know, it sometimes feels like half of me, half of who I am, has gone missing. Just vanished. And sometimes I think I'll never be whole again. And I have no one to blame but myself. If I’d only had some warning he would go for good...”
“If we'd all had some warning, or paid attention to what was there in front of us, maybe it wouldn't have happened at all. But we didn't, it happened, and here we are, whether we like it or not.” N replied. S didn't seem to hear him as he stared into space.

J may have had his demons in the booze and drugs, he thought, but so did I. And at the end, he became my drug. He still is.